Families with kids go through many phases: babies arrive in the parents’ lives, as infants they go to nursery, attend school, and further on they leave to attend college, university, or to live on their own. Parents constantly have to adjust their daily routines and lives upon the arrival of children, they have new responsibilities added to the preexisting ones and they constantly change while their kids grow up. However, once the children leave home, adjustments also have to be made. Just like when little birds learn how to fly and leave their nest behind, young adult children move out to live on their own and leave their home behind; after so many years of living together and thanking care of them, now parents face an empty nest.
Children leaving home is a natural and healthy event, but it can leave the parents feeling blue. Even though it’s not considered a clinical condition according to Mayo Clinic, there is a very well know ‘empty nest syndrome. A feeling of sadness, loss, grief, and loneliness can take over parents when they see their kids leave for the first time. Although many parents encourage their kids to live by themselves and explore, it is common that they experience some difficulty in being alone and having no one to take care of. It is such a natural process that most parents go through, that even the recognized chef Gordon Ramsay went through it and shared his experience.
(https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/25/how-to-cope-empty-nest-syndrome-children-move-out-gordon-ramsay)
What does it feel like?
Who can get empty nest syndrome?
All parents can be affected by the empty nest syndrome, while some symptoms can go unrecognized for some parents, others can have characteristics that create a predisposition to more noticeable effects. For example, unstable or unsatisfactory marriages, a strong identification with their roles as parents, difficulties accepting changes in general, stay-at-home or full-time parents, or dealing with other stressful life events (such as the loss of a loved one, moving away, retirement).
Good or bad thing?
Studies show that there are both positive and negative effects of empty nest syndrome. Parents struggling with the condition can experience a sense of worry, stress, anxiety, and a sense of loss of purpose that can lead to an identity crisis, depression, marital conflicts, and even alcoholism. But on the other hand, recent studies demonstrate that an empty nest can reduce work and family conflicts, parents have more time to reconnect with each other, take on old or new hobbies, and improve their quality of life.
How can I cope with it?
Different timing: Every kid takes their time to leave home, so there’s no need to compare his time to others or with your expectations. On the other hand, you can focus on helping them succeed when they leave and make the process more bearable.
Staying in touch: Maintain contact with your children every now and then through texts, calls, e-mails, or visits; however, it is important to give them space to adjust and figure out their way through life.
Seek support: Being able to share what you feel with family and friends brings great relief. But if you feel like you need a little extra help going through this, don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals.
Remain positive and busy: Now you have some spare time and energy to take on personal interests that you left behind and to focus on your marriage like when you were newlyweds, this helps distract your mind from the fact that there’s a spare room at home.
In an interview with TMJ4 News, Dr. John Duffy explains his recommendation on how to make this process easier and how he believes parents can cope with the empty nest syndrome. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCfDTzoOR-U)
