Communication is foundational to relationships. Healthy communication helps couples to:
Many couples struggle with communication and feel stuck, falling into repeating cycles, arguing the same way, every time, without resolution.
The most common cycle couples fall into is the pursue-withdraw pattern, or the attack-defend pattern, where one member of the couple is vocal about their concerns, and when voicing them, can start to pursue their partner to get a response, resolution or reaction from them. In this pattern, the other partner tends to react by getting defensive after feeling attacked or withdrawing and avoiding difficult interactions by not responding or leaving.
Some common signs of communication difficulties in relationships are:
We all learn different ways to communicate, resolve conflict and react in stressful situations. Some of these strategies can be helpful to our relationships and some of them can be detrimental.
When couples are not getting along, when our partner criticizes us, or doesn’t understand our perspective, it triggers a reaction inside of us. The stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol get released. This response creates an internal survival reaction for us to fight, flight or freeze.
We all have needs in relationships to feel loved, accepted and cared for. When our needs aren’t met by the person whose love we need, some fight (complain, criticize, demand) to get them met, others try to turn away from the need to avoid conflict (withdraw, leave).
High levels of conflict in relationships have negative effects on family mental health. Children in high conflict households may experience high levels of stress, anxiety and behavioural problems. High conflict couples are at an increased risk of developing mental health concerns such as depression and anxiety.
When couples resolve their difficulties effectively, it can improve their individual wellbeing as well as their relationship. Being able to express ourselves, be understood, feel heard and cared for, creates a secure bond in relationships. The secure bond of a strong, supportive relationship carries benefits such as more positive emotions, more constructive coping with stress, and even physical health benefits such as improved immune functioning, better heart health and a longer lifespan.
At Hope Psychotherapy, we have a team of highly trained psychotherapists experienced in providing couples therapy. Couples therapy can improve your communication through:
Read More about Couples Therapy